You Might Wear Orange If…

  • You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
  • You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
  • Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
  • You list “tick removal” as a skill on your resume.
  • You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
  • You think The Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and mother.
  • You’ve ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
  • Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
  • Your nicest towels say “Property of Motel 6”.
  • You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
  • The photo on your driver’s license includes your dog.
  • You think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
  • You’ve ever walked through your living room and caught your neck on a clothesline.
  • Your favorite seafood is hushpuppies.
  • You consider anything outside the Lower 48 “overseas”.
  • Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
  • The only cordless phone you have is the one your wife ripped out of the wall when she caught you talking to your girlfriend.
  • You’ve ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.
  • The blood mobile will not visit your trailer park.
  • You develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your gas attacks.
  • Your local funeral home is also a U-Haul franchise.
  • Beer bellies run in your family.
  • You have season tickets for the tractor pull.
  • Your favorite kind of wine is strawberry.
  • Your Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
  • Your mama is banned from the front row at wrestling matches.
  • Your dad has ever said, “You kids run on down to the dump and see what they left.”
  • You think a “quarter horse” is a ride in front of K-mart.
  • You’ve ever beaten somebody up because they had a library card.
  • You have orange road cones in your living room.
  • A dating service matches you up with a relative.
  • You answer all phone calls with, “The check’s in the mail.”
  • You’ve ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
  • You think the traffic sign “Merge” is a personal challenge.
  • Orkin uses your house as a training site.
  • Your dentist wanted to exhibit your eyeteeth at a convention.
  • You make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
  • You’ve ever watched the game warden through your scope.
  • You think a Rhodes Scholar is someone that just finished trucking school.
  • Your grandmother, mother and wife all have kids the same age.
  • You made up your social security number.
  • You’ve ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
  • You’ve seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
  • You’re the only one at your ten-year reunion with grandchildren.
  • The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet T-shirt contest.
Tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.